So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
