I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
