this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
