You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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