Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
