Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize