he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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