I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
