didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
