oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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