the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
