come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
