after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
