he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
