girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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