So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
