That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This house was built for laser tag.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
