Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
