theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No stitches, just platelets and will power
fuck your aforementioned shoe
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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