escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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