I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
