You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am one with the molecules
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
