How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize