I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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