Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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