he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
