Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
