cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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