Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
