dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
