Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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