Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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