Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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