she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
