For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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