Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
