Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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