I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
