i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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