we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
