I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
