How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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