I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
