when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
