i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
