I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
