You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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