Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Gay?
German.
Pity.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
