So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
