it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
