i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
