dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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