Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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