I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
