I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
