I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
