Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
