Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
