hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
