please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
