I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
