Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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