I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
