Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
