Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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