I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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