My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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