Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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