he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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