so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
