I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
