You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
