kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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